my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize