tonight lets celebrate not being married
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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