he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
