I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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