Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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