"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well you can't waste a boner
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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