I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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