she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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