Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
