you guys were way drunker than both of me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
