just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
