I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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