Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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