I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
