I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize