Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
