My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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