Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize