And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
