Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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