eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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