I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Randomize