I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
