Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A bitchslap is in order.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
