This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
