it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
