you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
