Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize