There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
