Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
