dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she looked like the before picture.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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