things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
