he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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