??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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