someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize