My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
