Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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