My cat gives me a boner
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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