put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
