Sry I called you an 8
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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