Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
