She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
