Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
