Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
