Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
