You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
