omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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