there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
