you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
