So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
