I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
