Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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