i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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