I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
