STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
