Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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