we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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