Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
