I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
