I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
