Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
