I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
