sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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