shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
