A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
