Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
