i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
